Chef Raccoon's Fake Résumé

[Verse 1] He strolled in from the alley with a hat as white as snow, Said "I trained in Rome, mama mia," but nobody would know, He's got a spoon the size of Texas and a gleam in his eye, This dumpster-diving genius just became the head guy. [Chorus] He lied on his résumé, oh what a scheme, No culinary school, just a trash-can dream, Now he's stirring up the sauce like he owns the place, Chef Raccoon, the biggest fraud with the tiniest face! [Verse 2] The noodles hit the ceiling, the marinara's flying free, The health inspector's coming but he's hiding in the pea, He tossed a plate of spaghetti like a Vegas magic act, Five stars on the review from a guy who can't read, that's a fact. [Chorus] He lied on his résumé, oh what a scheme, No culinary school, just a trash-can dream, Now he's stirring up the sauce like he owns the place, Chef Raccoon, the biggest fraud with the tiniest face! [Bridge] But under all that sauce and all that sneaky little charm, He'd burn the whole place down before he'd let us come to harm. [Chorus] He lied on his résumé, oh what a scheme, No culinary school, just a trash-can dream, Now he's stirring up the sauce like he owns the place, Chef Raccoon, the biggest fraud with the tiniest face! [Outro] So raise a fork to the bandit in the puffy little hat, We wouldn't trade our tiny lying chef for that.